IDEA #1

Dear VERY SPECial PeRsOn,
   This is it. (Take that Michael Jackson!) Right now. My first idea written down in my blood for you. THAT IS A VICIOUS LIE! It is NOT my blood, but blood is blood is blood...blood...am I spelling that right? BLOOD. It looks funny, but I don't have a dictionary anymore. Once I ate the first 73 pages of Little Women and now I can't read in bed anymore. But be it BLUD or BLOOD or Bloudor Plasmicide the sentiment remains the same. INTENSE. VERY VERY INTENSE.
IDEA # 1
   My first idea is for a soap opera all about one person. Let's call him Walter. Walter is a very interesting guy from a very small town who suffers from multiple personality complex. An extreme complex. Thirty-seven personalities all living and loving, laughing and crying, fucking and killing inside Walter. The thirty-seven personalities are Claude Father alcoholic minister and husband of ex-stripper Patricia Barker parents of JoJo bedwetting dog lover married to Nina Mango Barker the fat pig and Tommy Barker their millionaire singer son and he's got a girlfriend named Flavor who's having an affair with her brother Bud who works for Mr. Jonestown a scary monster who sells hot dogs to the three good school kids Luke Poppy and Little Tiny and their teacher is Miss Teacher who lives next door to the terrible child molester Lieutenant Adolph who always sneaks around because his twin sister Saint Catherine publicly humiliates him by sexing up the town's mayor Mr. Rightson who hates the Barkers because they ran over his best friend Old Black Tom who cleans the office of Dick Richard the worm livered decaying Chief of Policew whose wife Lulu won't stop buying pineapples from the Korean grocer DucTapeLo and his wife ChinUpHi and their cousin Serena and her invisible friend Ward Warrior who pretends she is a cat and sleeps in the window of Curby Kirby who would like to kill Sid Como who wishes he weren't an Italian Jew who has to support his eight deaf dumb retarded paraplegic children Frankie, Joey, Soupy, Dino, Jerry, Petey, Shirley and Angie. They are not really retarded. They just PRETEND TO BE.
   There is a lot more to this story than I can tell tonight. I am running out of RED INK. (CODE)
   Since all of these characters have to be played by one actor it really keeps the audience on their toes and it also keeps production costs really low. BOFFO!
   This is only #1 of THOUSANDS.  GOOD GOD!!!

William "Bill Bostitch
Haverford State Casa de Crackers