GENIUSES AMALGAMATED

To Big Thinkers Everywhere!
There are ideas, and, then THERE ARE IDEAS!!!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO OWN A PART OF THE FUTURES OF THE FUTURE? Welcome to Amalgamated Geniuses where you can share in the cumulative lifetime earnings of America's best and brightest.
GENIUS FUTURES NOW AVAILABLE AT AMALGAMATED GENIUSES!
We at AG represent the creme de la creme of tomorrow's big shot successes today. Today's smart kids will rule the world tomorrow and you can buy a piece of them today.
For a small investment you can own part of their American dream and that's the American way! That's right! A lifetime percentage of their total earnings tomorrow for a small investment today.
Amalgamated Geniuses is still in start-up mode, but if this sounds like a...GENIUS IDEA to you please write to me, Marty Litwak, President and CEO of AMALGAMATED GENIUSES!

Tomorrow and Beyond,
Marty Litwak
President and CEO
AMALGAMATED GENIUSES

PRO HEM BINDING CHOICE!

Dear Sirs,
I believe that hem/seam binding is much too flimsy and should be available in wider widths. This is my idea.

Humbley yours,
Jeannette Lempley
Canton Ohio

SHARYN SEZ: Haven't you thought the same exact thing about a million times? Jeannette honey, I think you've got a winner. For super emergency repairs surgical tape will hold up a droopy hem for hours. Once on the way to Mother Bach's house for Christmas dinner I discovered that little Heidi's kilt hem had come undone. Well naturally I panicked. I was ready to turn around and forget the whole thing when I remembered the stapler in my make-up bag. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. I stapled that sucker all the way around, and don't you know it worked like a charm.

ADORABLE (PICKANINNY) MARSHMALLOW TREATS

Hello again Caryn and Sharyn!
Thanks for printing my recipe ideas for children and adults of all ages. Here is a new one. It came to me complete in a dream.

PICKANINNY MARSHMALLOW TREATS
1.Take one big marshmallow.
2.To make hair take 8 mini-marshmallows and spear each with a colorful toothpick then stick the toothpicks into the big marshmallow. Cute pigtails! (See my drawing.)
3.Add Cheerio eyes and gumdrop nose.
4.Add red licorice whip mouth. I attach these with confectioner sugar paste.
5. Enjoy the smiles of your family and friends.

Thanks again, Idea Ladies. I will continue to share my fun and delicious recipe treats.

Dot Fritchie
Glen Burnie Illinois

SHARYN SEZ: Dottie, I love your recipes, but I gotta tell you I think you should rename this one. The Idea Ladies don't edit unless your idea is illegal or a terrorist bomb recipe, but this one gives me pause. Clueless doesn't equal blameless as I always tell my kids. Nuff said!

I'm Gonna Watch You Die!

Happy Flag Day Ladies,
Here's a new composition for one of the bad boys of Country Music. It's called "I'm Gonna Watch You Die".

She looked at me and smiled
With a tear drop in her eye
And whispered lovin' in my ear
I'm gonna watch you die.

As I stand before the man in black
I realize there's no turnin' back
I've traded my immortal soul
He says it's life without parole
I've gone and ruined my happy life
She's my little life sentence
She's my wife.

She looked at me and smiled
With a tear drop in her eye
And whispered lovin' in my ear
I'm gonna watch you die.

I don't know how it all began
Some really short shorts
And a really great tan
A couple of shots then we rocked my van
And I was a happy man.

Then breakfast came and she smiled so sweet
And she cooked so good
And she laughed so low
And she moved so fine
Swept me off my feet and onto my knee
Asking for her hand in matrimony
I swear to God
She hypnotized me.

She's my little life sentence
And I'll love her till I die
Damn I really didn't plan it
But it's her by my side.

Now she looks at me
With a smile in her eye
And whispers naughty in my ear
I'm gonna watch you die.

Thanks ladies,
Sweet Pea
NOLA

TUPPERWARE COFFINS!

TO WHOMEVER IT CONCERNS:
WHAT ABOUT COFFINS FROM TUPPERWARE? CHEAP. DURABLE. AIRTIGHT--IF YOU BURP IT CORRECTLY. THIS I THINK IS A GREAT BREAKTHROUGH AND WHO WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN ME? A MEMBER OF THE GOLD KEY SALES HALL OF FAME IN TUPPERWARE FOR 24 YEARS. TUPPERWARE FOR ORGAN BANKS--MY IDEA. THE COLD CUT STORAGE BIN WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THE BRAIN I TOLD THEM AND SO THEY BECAME MY CUSTOMER. ALWAYS NEW IDEAS. MY BRAIN NEVER STOPS. TUPPERWARE. EVERYWHERE. COFFINS.

LENI BORSKI
LANSDOWNE PA

1-2-3-4-CLOSURE!!!!

Hi Caryn and Sharyn,
I just got back from the St. Dismas Craft Show, Caryn was chairwoman and IT WAS GREAT!!! We raised over $300 for the Holy Mercy Hospital Thrift Store and I had a ball. I'm one of the St. Dismas crafters and I sell greeting cards that I print on recycled paper bags and wrapping paper. Caryn said I should share my new line of Bad Times cards with your readers. I sent a picture of a good one. It says,
"Greetings! Between Hard Times and the Darned Depression Ain't got nothing left but this Pleasant Expression!" Another one that sold real well said, "Depressed? Your hair looks a mess and you're still in your jammies, Are you feeling depressed? Have you got the whammies?" and "1-2-3-4 Closure? Don't let it get you down. Tomorrow this will all be over and things will turn around!"
I just think these little greeting cards will help us all get through this vale of tears. If you're ever in Bluford you can buy these at the Hospital Thrift Store or feel free to make your own for your friends. And hey Hallmark, if you're reading this, I got a million more!

Have a happy day,
Vickie Mellatoniakis
Bluford PA!

I PUT A SPELL ON YOU!

Hey there Idea Gals,

I am Big Mama Kittycat Mandieu and I see a great idea coming at you--from me! I have The Gift. The Sixth Sense. The Third Eye. The sight, the touch, the sense. The Hocus Pocus Focus. I have known about my powerful gift since I was a little tiny baby girl at my Mama's breast. I could call up the sweet milk at will and I did. But always for good, not malice for no one. So anyways time goes by my gift gets big. I study with the Voudous and the Wiccans and the gypsies and the wise old women and I learn a heap about spells and magic and the world beyond. Plus I am a great cook and a good looking curvy woman. So anyways I am writing a book--part cookbook part magic spell book. Big picture of me on the front. I can practically make them buy the book. Sure thing. So anyways I am going to start sending you a few basic free spells so's you can see how good they work. Like good publicity for my book. All spells must be cast with a good heart, not malice for no one.

CHILL OUT DARLIN
When someone is getting on your last nerve and you feel the explosion coming write the name of the person on a piece of paper, lick it all over good and stick it to the wall of your freezer. Just think Chill out Darlin and shut the door. The chill will start very soon. Good for everyone.

More soon,
Big Mama Kittycat Mandieu

PIGEON BABIES?

Misses Givens,

This is not an idea unless a theory is an idea. It's more like a question. Why are there no pigeon babies? There's a lot of pigeons in my Philadelphia neighborhood, but I've never seen a baby pigeon. I have a few theories.

1.There are no baby pigeons because the juvenile pigeon has yet to develop wings and still maintains remnants of an umbilicus often mistaken for a tail. Many uninformed citizens call these baby pigeons "rats".
2.There are no baby pigeons because the French persist in eating squab.
3.All pigeons are baby pigeons. Luckily their extremely short life span prevents them from achieving full adult growth, approximately the size of a fat cat.
4. There are no baby pigeons because of strict avian adherence to birth control measures.
5.There are no baby pigeons because even pigeons can't stomach the thought of mating with anything as vile and disgusting as a pigeon.

I don't know. But there are no baby pigeons. I would be quite interested in other theories.

Edward Hillberg